Tonight was a good night full of simple pleasures. I saw a movie with my husband, then we wandered around the shopping center, people watching, talking, dreaming, commenting on the lifestyles of the rich, and discussing our mutual love of comedy.
I had my requisite anxiety episode at the beginning of the night. I wanted to get to the theater early, then I was overwhelmed briefly by interacting with strangers, ie. concession stand guy with long curly hair tied in a bun, ticket taker guy with one half of his head shaved, other people milling around with less interesting hair. So many X factors that were out of my control…
But I got over it, and I had a wonderful time. The movie was THEY CAME TOGETHER, starring and written/produced by many of my comedic heroes. The movie made me laugh quite a bit, which buoyed my mood for the rest of the evening. Anytime I laugh, depression or not, I never want it to stop. I want to live inside the laugh, where there’s no room for anything but the explosion of joy. I actually feel a pang of sadness when the laughter ends. If I can’t make the laughter stay, I try to hang on to something that reminds me of the moment of joy again and again: a picture, an object, a tattoo, etc.
Tonight I wanted to document my night out, having fun, laughing. The problem is that I suck at being a historian. Most of the photos in my phone are of my dogs, the thought of scrapbooking makes me itchy, and aside from writing about my feelings, I am terrible at documenting events in my life.
I’m trying to change that, so tonight I took a photo to remember my evening. And here it is:
It’s the movie screen. I chose to commemorate my fun, depression-free evening with a blank screen. I took it before the movie even started, which is weird now that I look back on it. I guess I could turn it into a metaphor, somehow. The blank screen represents nothing but possibilities… Nah, I’m too tired for that right now. I’ll just be grateful for a night of fun and soothe the sadness of its end by filling my blank screen with thoughts that make me happy.