I’m back with the next writing prompt from PoeWar: Write your obituary. List all of your life’s accomplishments. You can write it as if you died today or fifty or more years in the future. I overachieved once again and went 96 years in the future. I am going to be missed like hell, so when you read this obituary, please try not to cry.
Beloved writer Laney Dodson, M.D. passed away in her Carmel, CA beach cottage at the age of 128. She was survived by her loving husband of 99 years, who is currently cryogenicly frozen in a lab in Washington D.C. Laney kicked type 1 diabetes’ ass [I will fight for the right to have cussing in my obituary when the time comes] for 128 years, long after most of her small intestine stopped working and she stopped growing hair
anywhere other than her chin.
Laney earned her medical degree in 2021, and spending ten years working as an ER doctor at Spring Valley Hospital in Las Vegas, NV for the sole purpose of writing a book about the experience. Her best-selling five volume tell-all books about things she found inside casino winners’ rectums/effects of inhaling glitter at a Cher show/Roofie + RedBull poisoning in a Las Vegas ER earned her fortune enough to take an extended hiatus from the hospital and tour the country performing book readings while playing classical piano. She also purchased her cottage on the beaches of Carmel-by-the-Sea, California. Where she and her husband and their generations of rescue Boston terriers lived out their days, working only when they wanted to, which ended up being approximately every other week.
Laney’s memorial service will be a bonfire on the beach in front of her cottage with a DJ and an open bar. She hopes that her guests can be trusted to divide up the Boston terriers and other personal effects among themselves, and before they start drinking. In lieu of flowers or other nonsense, please buy one of her books and give it to a friend so her husband will have some money to support himself when he is unfrozen in the year 2185.